The background. A view from abroad but so close that you could give the details. Built in binoculars zoomed in on particular past events. Slow down. Speed up. Pull over and get out, only to get back in and run out of gas. I'm out of gas! It's the only thing apparent to my flooded perception of crowded highways. The gates to my soul have swung shut. Sorry, no admission until further notice. Sobriety is the only thing that I can cling to. It reassures me that tomorrow will be that less complicated and a path that the sun will shine in my backyard again someday. I wish I was a headlight on a westbound train lately. "There's someone who understands you more than I do. A sadness I can't erase. All alone on your face." Time is either on your side or not, and there is no happy medium. It stops for nobody. I can't figure out if it is the known or the unknown that bothers me the most. A flip of the coin for now I guess. Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of my friends' loss to his struggles. He was an amazingly great friend. I miss and love you Brian! You really don't know what you have until it's gone. That is a very hard reality folks. Don't fuck around and just look at things as a permanent piece of the puzzle, because it just doesn't work out that way sometimes. The known or unknown in different situations. Which would you choose? I would be willing to bet, according to the question, that if there was a whole group of people sampled that there would be a dichotomy. A fork in the road. One path known and another unknown. Winters are always the hardest for me. Everything dies off and in my opinion, turns to shit. I'm like that kid at the window who has the day off from school because of a storm, but can't go out and play. Well, I'm not admiring my storm and I'm suffering from chronic vitamin D deficiency. Not that your skin would generate it from the sun through the glass, but I wouldn't be there in the first place. I keep saying year after year, this is my last NY winter. Last year wasn't so bad and I hoped for one like it this year. All bets are off moving forward. Forward. The F word. You will never have your cake and eat it too.
JG
"Think good thoughts and do good deeds." Brian J Slater
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